carolmcb's Cancer Blog
October 21, 2007
| Can't Sleep Again, Part 2 | Views: 389 |
Another one of those nights, I finally convinced my husband to go to bed without me. I know that’s not good for him but I just can’t lay still for long periods of time in our bed.
I do sleep, just not that much continuously. Earlier tonight, I slept through the pre-game show for the American League championship baseball game. I woke up for the replay of the 1st inning grand slam home run for the Red Sox. I then fell asleep again in the 3rd inning. I woke up toward the end of the game when the Sox were in total control and went and got on my computer for a while. Then, my husband and I put on a DVD with really old and usually really bad film noirs. We both then fall asleep in the living room. After that, I try and send him to bed and I either watch Turner Classic Movies until I fall asleep again or I go and get on the internet and look at various chat rooms and blogs. Then, it’s daylight and time for juice or coffee.
There are a number of personal things that have happened to since “the cancer”.
Over the years, I had become, at the worst, dismissive of my husband’s interests, at the best, inattentive to what his likes are.
Baseball (particularly, Atlanta Braves baseball)
Old back and white films
Golf
Horse Racing
Well, no more. I gave the end of the baseball season a chance. I’m watching (and sleeping through) old black and white movies. I am helping my husband with a horse racing analysis program. Golf is a little more difficult but I’m trying to get him to at least go to the driving range and hit balls. He thinks that its too expensive. Bottom line, we are spending almost every single minute together and its working out beautifully.
I did give him a break yesterday when I sent him to the grocery store by himself. He didn’t want to leave me alone but I thought he could do with a few minutes without my voice in his ear.
I also had to start dealing with my hair loss. The oncologist said that I would loose it after the first chemo treatment. One of the chemo nurses said that I wouldn’t loose it at all. Well I didn’t loose it after the first, second or third treatment but on my “bye” week on this past Friday. It started falling out. My husband said from the first—no big deal. Well—big deal. Yesterday morning, I decided to brush all the dead hair out and see where I stood. My husband stopped me and said—leave it alone. So here I am on Sunday morning with a mat of dead hair on my head and no wig. I have a very large head—physical size wise. Finding a wig to fit is a challenge that is still on going.
One final admission before getting some juice. I told everyone that I wouldn’t mind the hair loss. I think that I really believed it. Guess what—I mind terribly. It didn’t hit me until the first big lock came out in my hand.
Thanks for your support -
Oh Carol, my heart goes out to you. I was like you when I went through hard chemo the first time. I psyched myself up, thinking I could handle hair loss and it wasn’t until after my best friend shaved my head that it hit me…everything I was going through, the surgery, the chemo, hair loss. I broke down and cried.
You and I have something else in common…I have a large head, too. Sometimes I compare mine to an oversized canteloupe on steroids. LOL After the hair loss, I considered my options and decided to not to wear wigs but hats and caps instead.
I don’t think we, as women, realize how important our hair is to us until we lose it. For me, I’ve since vowed to never cut the length of my hair again. Trimming is ok, but no more cutting it short.
Hang in there, sweetheart. You’ll make it through this.
Hugs…Grace
Carol,
I think all of us believe the hair loss won’t bother us but it does. Just remember it does come back. Mine came back in ringlets it felt like baby’s hair at first then My real White hair came back in full force. Thank you for your support and we are all here for each other. Hang in there things will get better. When I had a problem sleeping I took an over the counter sleep aid and it helped.
Lots of Hugs
Cheryl58
Well, you and I need big heads just to hold all that intelligence and wisdom that we’ve accumulated over the years. lol
I can sympathize with the hats. I can’t even order any from the Internet because I have to try them on first to be sure they fit. Most hats are either very tight or they won’t fit. Sometimes I even don’t like how they feel on my head, like it’s holding my head in a vice.
To make matters worse, my hair is very thick so it compounds the problem. I don’t really care for scarves either.
Yes, it is challenging. Because of that, I often went outdoors without either hat or scarf. I decided I didn’t care what people thought of my beautiful bald head. After all, BALD IS BEAUTIFUL.
:-)
Just remember you are saving water.
A beautiful head does not need to be covered
Love Sherri