carolmcb's Cancer Blog
October 23, 2007
| Can't Sleep Again, Part 3 | Views: 385 |
This past evening I slept through most of Chuck, the first part of K’Ville and most of the football game between the Colts vs. the Jaguars and the 2 black and white movies that my husband played from a DVD. He keeps waking me up to be sure that I am ok. All in all, I did get some sleep so it’s little wonder that I can’t sleep now. Although, it should be good sleeping weather. We have rain! Sunday was beautiful, warm not hot, with blue skies and enough sun to satisfy even me. Monday, it was so dark all day you would think that it was night. It rained most of the day. It occasionally would look a little lighter and the rain would let up. Then, the rain would start up again. For today, Tuesday, it is supposed to rain hard all day. We may get as much as 2 inches. And, today will be the first day in well over a week that I feel good enough to go out. We desperately need the rain but here I am selfishly wishing the rain would stop and the sun would come out and entice me outside. It’s not that I don’t have enough house work piled up. My husband has a certain level he maintains like the dishes washed and the kitchen sort of clean. But the rest, especially laundry, piles up. Laundry is a concept that he has never gotten. Well, maybe we can go out to eat if the rain isn’t blinding. This will have to be our treat since we missed going to see our family this weekend due to my being so ill after chemo over a week ago.
Among the many things rattling around in my head today is how my food likes and dislikes have changed since my illness. While I like fried foods, I’m not one to overly indulge. After surgery, I couldn’t get enough fried chicken. I was making my husband turn into KFC almost every time we were in the car. After a couple of weeks, that subsided and I haven’t had fried chicken since. I have had a great deal of baked chicken but no desire for fried chicken. I never been one to eat chips and dip, except at parties. Now, I can’t get enough despite the fact that, since chemo began, there is no surer way for me to get sick than to eat chips and dip. The one that has me the most mystified is that, since surgery, I haven’t wanted anything sweet or anything chocolate. My husband still can’t deal with that and keeps trying to buy me treats that I would have once gobbled down. Weird of me not to want sweets. Now, this doesn’t mean that I have reformed my diet to be totally health conscious. I admire those people that have taken control, but, for me, cancer is costing enough. When I feel like eating, I’m going to eat what I want.
Thanks for your support -
Girl, I know exactly what you mean by cravings. I’m still cycling through mine. First I couldn’t get enough mexican food, then it was fried rice, then it was wonton soup…now it’s bagels and cream cheese.
I’ve also lost my taste for sweet stuff. Not that I was going to indulge in it. I’ve not had any major surgary stuff like desserts in over a year (and I used to love making desserts), no sodas, candy bars, etc. My best friend usually buys me organic chocolate chip cookies made with brown sugar and honey, but I have no desire for them anymore.
I’d much rather use the money to buy beads and scrapbook stuff. LOL Go figure.
With all the drugs we take? We get a choice of it’s either Ambien brain or chemo brain. I get Decadron (steroid) whenever I go in for the Aredia treatment so I also have to fight the urge to raid the refrigerator.
Last week was bad. A day after the treatment, we went out to eat and I ate until I was full. An hour later, I was hungry again. And all I wanted was my bagel and cream cheese. LOL Connie, my best friend, has stocked up on bagels and cream cheese. Of course, it’s now tapering off but not sure what’ll come next.
We have a rule in our house now: I go right to bed after taking Ambien. That drug does a major number on me when I don’t go to bed right away. I start doing things I shouldn’t be doing and saying things I shouldn’t be saying…and I can’t remember a thing the next day.
It was when I contacted an old boyfriend (and didn’t even remember doing it), that Connie and I decided to impose the rule. Ambien is powerful stuff.
I know what you mean by the food cravings! I am taking tons of prednisone this round (steroid) that makes me want to eat everything in sight! Especially cheese and bread. I swear I am living on quesadillas and eating every couple of hours. My tastes totally changed when I started chemo. I no longer am addicted to diet coke and I don’t really crave sweets or chips or anything anymore. It’s been a kind of nice change, and I let myself eat what I’m in the mood for. I see that you are struggling with a lot of issues with your cancer and treatment. I really think you should try to have a frank discussion with your doctor about your feelings. This experience is miserable enough without feeling supported by the people who are supposed to be healing you. You are paying their salary, you are the customer, if you don’t like your service there are tons of great doctors out there who will treat you right. Persist in asking questions, don’t be afraid to annoy people with your questions. THIS IS YOUR LIFE WE ARE TALKING ABOUT! So what if you are THAT woman with all the questions. My chemo room is freezing too, so I always have a blanket covering me, but I try to stay alert when they are hooking me up so that I know what’s going on. Ask about the pre-drugs…are so many necessary? Can they lower the dose? These are questions your doc should be answering and he should be sympathetic to your need to participate in your care and your need to spend as much time as possible with family within the bounds of your care. I really encourage you to interview other oncologists if you are not happy. I wish you all the best, Carol!
I can relate, when I was on chemo nothing tasted right and everything including drinks had to be room temp or above or it would burn my mouth and throat. For one month I was down to toast and baked potato with luke warm water with lemon squeezed in it. Not a great diet but it was whatever didn’t taste weird and metal tasting which wasn’t much. After 6 mos of nothing cold all I wanted when chemo was over was Dairy Queen Ice Cream. For some reason that tasted better than ever when I got my tastebuds back. Oh and the Ambien, My husband keeps telling me to stay off the computer when I am on ambien. I buy things that I don’t remember buying the next day. Nothing expensive some weird things that I probably would not of ordered otherwise and the weirdest thing was I ordered a pay per view movie I had been wanting to see. I downloaded it and recorded it. When I got up the next morning I did it again because I wanted to see that movie and didn’t remember a thing about ordering the night before. So I highly suggest take the ambien and read a book in bed until it kicks in. Anything else is dangerous. I friend of mind kept getting up and cooking and it was a lot of cooking and went back to bed. When he got up he asked his wife if she made all that mess and she finally caught him doing it and took pictures so he would believe it was him doing that cooking.
By the way I am on Ambien now so sorry for the rambling. I never learn
God bless us all
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